Okay, I’m finally here to tell you about my journey as an AI filmmaker. Before I start, let me give you a long-winded diatribe about technology… just kidding. Let me tell you about my experience in filmmaking first. Movies and TVs were my first passion. When I was in college, I was blessed to be in a community that was willing to put on live theater performances, so I got to work on my comedy chops in the best possible format, in front of a live audience.
For anyone who has even the inkling to write comedy, I suggest live performance. There is no better indicator that you were doing your job than with audience laughter, and I had sketches with zero laughs and ones where people were laughing so hard they were quoting it to each other outside the show.
From that comedy theater experience, I co-wrote Hamlet: The Vampire Slayer, a movie we filmed for the price of water bottles, soda, and chip variety packs from Costco. It was so low budget that we filmed in black and white, so we would have to worry about lighting rather than for any artistic purposes. An online reviewer did a review, and it got a bit of a cult following (so much so that a person reached out to me a couple years ago and begged me for a copy of it).
During that time, I wrote a couple shorts that were made into movies, including a very silly one where I was making fun of this movie that I saw at a film festival where the guy had a way too long credit sequence that was literally his own name for everything. While I wouldn’t say I was a good filmmaker, I do have experience in them.
When I turned to AI for movie making, I knew a little bit about all the work that goes into them. Text to screen is mind blowing to me, and I was very excited to get started. There are about a zillion text-to-film websites out there, so I went with one that had the best reviews, and more importantly a free trial.
My first prompt was “make me a film based on this text” and then cut n’ paste the first chapter of Time Burrito, at least up to the point where Pete is clutching the dead physics professor in his hand debating on whether he should rush into a burning building to save Clara.
Below are the results. Also, I don’t make enough money to upgrade to the version where I can embed videos with this mail program, but if you want embedded videos, you can always read this on my website).
There are several funny fumbles in the video. The first being that Time Burrito is a Sci Fi Comedy, and the video was very serious for a book with a cat on a flying space burrito on the cover. Here’s the breakdown of just how far off the mark it was:
.11: Pete, as described in the book prediabetic, hefty half Mexican male, also a food truck vendor and not a student, so I don’t know who this Hitler Youth guy is, but certainly not Pete.
.32: This is pretty dark and moody for a man who was trundling across campus to what should be comical tuba music.
.52: I love the campy stock footage of college friends while it describes a man “shirt ablaze, hands bloody”. I really should be using this to write dark poetry with incongruous campy feel-good videos.
1:19: It’s like someone took the script of Unsolved Mysteries and combined it with a promo video for a college campus
1:30: Dead professor at his feet with snacks and drinks! Oh boy!
1:57: Jar-a-me-lo? I think the AI needs to brush up on some Spanish lessons.
Okay, so it’s a first attempt, and it wouldn’t be too bad if the story was about an unsolved mystery about the murder of a physics professor, and the local Burrito vendor who witnessed it. Perhaps, I needed a little prompt engineering to identify the main character as Mexican, and tone of the piece being a Sci Fi comedy.
I gave it the instructions, and the bot said, “I’m sorry but Spanish is not yet available on this platform.” Oh dear… okay, so maybe I’ll settle for an Aryan Youth Pete who looks more like a future contestant on the Bachelor than a Homer Simpson like Burrito vendor. At the very least, maybe I could get something comedic in tone even if it wasn’t a movie like a film studio would produce (still waiting on my offer, Netflix, come on, you know people will watch it! Burrito time travel!).
I typed in some more directions and here are the results.
.06: Jaunty British narrator doesn’t exactly scream New Mexico, but I’ll take it over Unsolved Mysteries narrator of darkness and despair.
.26: I enjoyed how the AI picked a video of a building collapsing for the jaunty comic version and not the doom filled forlorn one.
:38: “Bruised tailbone and bruised ego” to a guy who looks like he should be on a pharmaceutical commercial. Tired of flaky scalp? Finally, be the person your meant to be with Scalpra. Warning discontinue using Scalpra if you bleed from the eye, ears, nose, mouth, and anus. May cause dry mouth, dizziness. diarrhea, vomiting, speaking in tongues, head spinning 360 degrees, hissing at priests and levitating from the bed. Don’t use if your allergic to Scalpra even though how would you know because you never used it before, so wouldn’t it be pretty clear to stop using it if you develop an allergic reaction. “What are these hives? Ah. never mind! More Scalpra please!”
1:17: Probably my favorite moment of the whole video. The narrator giving a vivid description about how the professor died, while all the people hug each other and bounce with glee. A scenario that would truly make anyone’s blood run cold.
1:59: What the hell was that? The safety feature card like you’d find in an Airplane except for college?
2:02: Finally, some Science Fiction footage… sigh,
Right, so my attempt to turn Time Burrito into a movie wasn’t exactly a resounding success, but tune in next time because I’m going to try something a little bit dark because I know it can do creepy.
Time Burrito 