Misfits of Carnt 4 Hardback Bundle

Description

All four 6×9 hardback books of the Misfits of the Carnt Series. Includes eBook versions.

My Three-Year-Old Is a Barbarian and Other Parenting Problems:

Necromantic rituals, murderous ogres, battle-scarred rangers: not a typical Saturday detention for unsuspecting teaching assistant Petra and her delinquent teen charges.

The Beaverton High School Breakfast Club show up for what they thought would be cleaning the locker room with a toothbrush when the morning goes horribly wrong, and they fall victim to a deadly, dark spell.

Some jerkwad moon mage shoves the consciousness of Petra’s three-year-old into the body of a musclebound barbarian, and she is transformed into a halfling. The kids get stuck as a cleric, fire mage, and other stalwarts of your typical fantasy gaming party.

Now they must quest through a land of pissed-off warriors, angry giants, a pompous vampire, and a necromancer out to kill Petra and her child.

Despite being in a world where everything threatens to shuffle off her mortal coil, the hardest part is convincing a hulked-out man that the battle axe is not a toy, the undead are not cuddly, and he should use the potty.

 

Orcs in Portland and Other Social Justice Issues:

Orcs invading Portland, a wolf in the janitor’s closet, black ooze dissolving the gym teacher: a typical day for the students of Beaverton High and their fearless teaching assistant.

Petra thought working for her old high school was the worst thing that could happen to her—until a magical disease infected her son.

Meanwhile, the Barbarians Breakfast Club faces creatures invading their high school and murdering their classmates and principal. Okay, so maybe the latter isn’t that bad.

The phenomena intensify, and soon, it is not just the high school that’s infested with murderous creatures. So, our hapless heroes must seek aid from old allies and enemies.

Find out if Portland can survive in the second Misfits of Carnt novel.

The Gladiator Journalist and Other Murderous Flora:

Making bills and earnin’ like a baller with l33tskillz4va’s crypto fast cash is not what happens in this book!

But there are killer trees and bloody arena battles. What more could you want? Except sex. That happens too.

It also resolves plot points like certain characters stuck in a painting and what’s Petra’s mom doin’ at that volcano, yo!

I mean, I guess there’s stuff like personal character growth and human connection and all that warm, squishy stuff.

But did I mention sex that happens in this book, and magic, swords, battle axes, battles, and plenty of limbs being chopped off?

Oh yeah, it’s all in the third Misfits of Carnt!

 

The Golden Assault Rifle and Other Weapons of Mass Destruction

Mount Hood bellows an unnatural smoke while Toby stumbles upon a cavern with an ancient prophecy. The pictographs feature his friends, the real heroes. He had always thought he was a supporting role. Until he saw an image of himself holding a powerful artifact.

Meanwhile, the moon mage Jenny cuts a deal with Petra to resolve her death problem. But like all deals with the lunar wizard, there’s a catch with a cost that may not be worth the price of her life.

Turns out there’s a cache of magical weapons that just might save the world from an apocalypse that could leave both Earth and Carnt in ruins.