It seems like every time they rob a bank in a comic book movie, they need to up the ridiculousness of the bank robbers. Gone are the days of the striped shirt and the dollar sign bag. Move over guy dressed in black with a ski mask. Here are 10 bank robbery scenes you probably won’t see in the next comic book movie:
- Historically racist and sexist costume gang. They usually hold a group discussion during the robbery about why some tropes of the past are offensive today. Periodically the main guy will say, “Oh no, you don’t have to agree with me because I’m the guy with the gun.”
- Cirque du Soleil gang. Nothing combines art with crime better than one of Vegas’ longest standing acts. Imagine a human ball of people in stretchy body suits tumbling in and breaking apart like a rose petal with guns while a human chain hops over the counter like a living slinky. People will practically want to throw the robbers their money because they’ll be moved and they won’t know why.
- Political Parties Working together gang. Republicans and Democrats coordinating their efforts to steal large sums of money. That’ll be the day. But don’t they already do that to the American public (rimshot). I’m here all-night folks!
- Reality TV bank robberies. They were too busy attempting to tear each other down that they forgot the value of working together.
- Nonprofit Earth first bank heist. The complicated narration of the plan involves the sustainability efforts of the job.
Darrius: Jimmy will burst into the main room with a shotgun but not just any shotgun, a biodegradable one.
Frankie: But are the bullets biodegradable?
Darrius: Of course, the bullets are biodegradable! What do you think? That I’m a monster! The casings are compostable too. Now, Johnny has a safe cracking kit made with completely recyclable plastic.
Frankie: But will it make it to the recycling bin?
Darrius: Are you kidding me! Can you believe this guy! You think we would bring plastic without recycling!
6. Vintage clothing hipster gang. They stand and pose a lot, and eventually the bank pays them to go away.
7. Social media influencers gang. It’s kinda hard to ascertain what exactly this gang is doing but they are somehow getting money for it.
8. Forgotten mascot heist. Aunt Jemima, out of work hatches a plan with the Noid and the Taco Bell Chihuahua. They reach a roadblock in their planning, and there is only one man that can do the job, but he’s been out of the business a long time. They find him in a dingy bar halfway through a fifth of whiskey. Camel Joe turns to the young hopefuls and berates them, “Whaddya want?”
9. Cats. That’s it really. Just bring a cat into the bank and say that he wants money. It seems to work for everything else in a cat’s life.
Time Burrito 