Another Silly Survey

Say "Very funny, Marv."

Pull out the Glock you always have on your person, blow that thing away, and say, "Not on my watch."

Engage it in conversation. When was the last time you got to talk to cheese?

Eat the cheese. See if it screams while you dine.

Reconsider that BetterHelp ad.

Ask the waiter for new cheese because yours seems to be sentient.

Realize that your unique talents as a pizza delivery driver now makes you the action hero.

Broker peace with the aliens and form an alliance with the wine and Italian meats aliens to create the first intergalactic charcuterie board.

Blow smoke from the Glock and say, "and you thought I was overreacting." Then get swarmed by the other cheeses in the restaurant. Running out of bullets, can you get to the bunker in time…

Say, "MARV! This is no longer funny. Put down the ray gun Marv. Put down the RAY G–"

After a deep heart to heart with the cheese, you realize that the creature's people haven been mistakenly used as the main ingredient in freezer peperoni pizza for years. So you form a bipartisan coalition for the humane treatment of cheese and other diary products, but during your grassroots organizing, you find out that you and the cheese aren't so different. In fact, you begin to form a relationship with the cheese, and one night during those late hours, you kiss, and oh boy is that cheese good in bed. You never orgasmed so much in your life. So you get married, have kids that resemble Green Bay Packers fans, and live a simple life. On your death bed with the cheese passing away peacefully three years before you, you think about your grandchildren, when you wanted to change the world, and suddenly you have a craving for smoked gouda. How messed up is that! Half your family is cheese.

Burb after you eat the cheese. Saving the world never tasted so good.