We all know that school can be a snooze fest. Why not liven it up with some monsters, demons, and of course vampires?
1. History – Students falling asleep during that civil war reenactment History channel doco? Why not hire real civil war veterans? Meddling in powers you cannot possibly comprehend can be fun and educational using dark ritual magic to revive those civil war vets in unmarked graves that just happen to be buried under the school. Extra credit to all the students who notice that the zombies tearing the classmates limb from limb aren’t using civil war era tactics.
2. Math – When scrawling equations on the chalkboard that hasn’t been cleaned since 1972, and the students start pulling out their phones, it’s time to pull out that murderous ventriloquist dummy, whose head turns on its own, doesn’t need someone for it to speak and always is found in pools of missing students’ blood. They’ll think twice when your back is turned, and they go for their phone, when a dummy slowly turns its head and stares at them.
3. Swim – What’s more motivating than a swamp monster? Seriously, it’s how Michael Phelps got so good.
4. Spanish – Students not taking the class seriously and only wanting to learn curse words and foul language they can use in front of their English only parents? Hire a bruja to provide curses and hexes that when uttered allowed will curse the speaker with anywhere from intense itching to being maimed for life. Title the handout, “Top Ten Naughty Phrases in Spanish.” Then after most of the class has been cursed, say “And that’s the importance of learning another language.”
5. Computer Class – Students spending more time looking for ways to get past the firewall than actually learning fundamental computers skills? This one’s easy! Scan a demonic entity that was trapped in a book that would forever imprison them until someone read it to set it free. Ignoring the fact that a book titled “Never Read This Book EVER!” is only asking for someone to read it and the demon manipulating students into ritual murder, what does it matter because they are finally interested in computers? The demon will take care of itself. After a few days chatting with the sexual predators lurking the school servers, it will demand to get back into the book citing, “These people are crazy!”
6. Sex Ed – Werewolves. That’s all.
7. English – Students yawing when Mr. Darcy confesses his love? Hire the local sexy vampire with a British accent to read to the students. Not only will he be able to tell the students firsthand accounts about when he used to party with Jane Austen, but he will most likely turn that mean girl clique into creatures of the night. I mean, he can turn you anytime, but he hasn’t noticed even though you are wearing extra neck revealing clothing. Eventually, you’ll end up staking the mean girls, and tying the guy up in your basement demanding he turn you into a vampire. Just normal, healthy English teacher stuff.
8. Science – Smashing hot dogs frozen in liquid nitrogen no longer doing it for the students? Develop a formula that will help you become a super teacher using the high school chemistry supplies. Even though you now black out at night, and find human remains in your basement, just think about everything they are learning. Like detective skills and disposing of the monstrous form of their teacher’s body without alerting the local authorities that anything is happening at the local high school with a higher body count than most action movies.
9. PE Class – Students spending most of the class snapping towels at each other in the locker room, moping about their prom date, or need motivating speeches before they get back out on that field? Just let that specter that eviscerates the student inexplicably taking a shower at night off its leash. No one will be wasting time in the locker room when the light of day is the only thing that protects them from certain annihilation.
10. Assemblies – Unsuccessful stoking the school spirit to bored expressions and demotivated students? Turn into a giant snake. Works every time.
Orcs invading Portland, a warg in the janitor’s closet, black ooze dissolving the gym teacher: a typical day for the students of Beaverton High and their fearless teaching assistant.
Petra thought working for her old high school was the worst thing that could happen to her—until a magical disease infected her son.
Meanwhile, the Barbarians Breakfast Club faces creatures invading their high school and murdering their classmates and principal. Okay, so maybe the latter isn’t that bad.
The phenomena intensify, and soon, it is not just the high school that’s infested with murderous creatures. So, our hapless heroes must seek aid from old allies and enemies.
Find out if Portland can survive in the second Misfits of Carnt novel.
Necromantic rituals, murderous ogres, battle-scarred rangers: not a typical Saturday detention for unsuspecting teaching assistant Petra and her delinquent teen charges.
The Beaverton High School Breakfast Club show up for what they thought would be cleaning the locker room with a toothbrush when the morning goes horribly wrong, and they fall victim to a deadly, dark spell.
Some jerkwad moon mage shoves the consciousness of Petra’s three-year-old into the body of a musclebound barbarian, and she is transformed into a halfling.
The kids get stuck as a cleric, fire mage, and other stalwarts of your typical fantasy gaming party.
Now they must quest through a land of pissed-off warriors, angry giants, a pompous vampire, and a necromancer out to kill Petra and her child.
Despite being in a world where everything threatens to shuffle off her mortal coil, the hardest part is convincing a hulked-out man that the battle axe is not a toy, the undead are not cuddly, and he should use the potty.
Time Burrito 